Sunday, January 30, 2011


Tired of waiting.
Tired of wondering.
Tired of wanting.
Tired of trying.
Tired of wishing.
Tired of change.
Tired of liars.
Tired of disappointment.
Tired of hoping.
Tired of excuses.
Tired of crying.
Tired of Mondays.
Tired of going.
Tired of instability.
Tired of pain.
Tired of this.
Tired of that.
Tired of broken promises.
Tired of trend.
Tired of hypocrites.
Tired of sadness.
Tired of being tired.
Don't you ever just get TIRED?

Winning a Battle, Losing the War

     What a day! It was one of those days between good and bad. I can't decide. I'm in a thinking mode. One of those where you think about everything. Life. Choices. Consequences. Where you've been. Where you are. Where you want to go. I want to cry because I'm so confused all the time. Time is racing me and I'm losing. It feels like I'm in a battle. I am sure to lose the war. Do I have anything to lose? If I haven't gained. I can't rewind nor slow down. I feel like I'm living my life, but I'm not. What's in store? Will this help me more? Left, right, up, down. Yes. No. Where am I going to go?
     Sometimes you go to school with sandals on and then it snows. Sometimes a teacher surprises you with a pop quiz you were totally unprepared for. Sometimes you plan one thing, but another happens. The point is life is unexpected, but it's test, so it's supposed to be that way. Everyone has a purpose and a chance--many chances if they choose to take them. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect.
     I'm definitely not perfect, but each and everyday I'm trying to be the best me I can be.  


The dictionary defines speechless as without speaking, not knowing what to say, temporarily incapable of speaking and struck dumb, among other definitions.
     I have most definitely been speechless lately. But as the definition states, it's only temporarily. I will never be silenced or stop writing and expressing myself. You can try and shut me up, but I'll just scream. I'm only one voice, but you can never take that from me. And sometimes all it takes is once voice to change the world. 
     Recently a lot of tragic things have been happening in my life. Now don't get me wrong, I am blessed beyond belief in many aspects. I am alive. I am not starving. My family members are all alive and healthy (for the most part). I am in college. I have a job. I live in a wonderful apartment. I have the best of friends. But bad things still happen to me. They happen to all of us. And they are just as earth shattering to me as anyone else's trials and problems. They still leave me speechless, sobbing, and stunned (in a bad way). 
     I'm sorry I've been lacking on my posts. I've just been trying not to fall apart with all that's going on. As I stated before one voice can change the world, but this can be a bad thing. Because sometimes all it takes is one person to destroy your life, your world. No one can destroy me and what I stand for though. That's all that really matters. I have to be strong, but to be strong I have to overcome the heartache. I still have to feel the pain and figure out how to fix it all. 
     My blog may not be the fanciest, the nicest, the prettiest, the exciting-est, award winning, most viewed, grammatically correct, Shakespearian-ish quality, etc, but it's my blog. It's meaningful to me. It's real. It's from my heart. I hope that it can inspire at least one person. That would absolutely bring me joy to know that I've touched a life. I don't want to be praised. I'm not looking for fame. I just want to help people because I know what it's like to feel helpless to feel inspiration less and lonely and if I can make someone's day or get someone to smile, or if they read my posts and realize everything is going to be okay, if one person gets inspired that inspires me and is the purpose of the Inspiration Nation. 
In the words of Alex Gaskarth: "Dont throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - Love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas."

     Now some may interpret this quote as selfish. I believe it really means that you can't live your life for everybody else. Don't let people use or take advantage of you. You never really know the intentions of everyone around you. People lie. You can love people and help people and have the best of intentions, but you just have to be cautious when it comes to trust. And if people don't like you or care about you then move on. Don't waste your time on people who don't give you time. Do what makes you happy. Don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love. 

Sunday, January 23, 2011

When Life Gets Tough, You Gotta Get Tougher.

     Yesterday I (and my family) was hit with a major blow that turned my life upside down and sent it crumbling down in a matter of seconds. You'd think I'd be used to major unexpected blows in my life, and they'd be easier to deal with. Wrong. They still cause my heart to break, take my breath away, bring tears to my eyes, and paralyze me. Trials never get easier, actually they get harder I'm learning, but you get stronger. In the end, you become a better person but you must be strong, rise above, never let them bring you down, and though it seems impossible, you have to find light even when you are surrounded by pitch black darkness. And the light comes from inside of you through God. You have to remember everything happens for a reason and you are never alone. I love and am so grateful for my dear family and friends, they inspire me when I lose inspiration, and they get me through everything. People like that are the world. 
And in regards to the blow, I am going to state two truths, I doubt the person I am referring to in the following quotes will read them, but I'm still going to say them and maybe they will teach others.
1. No matter how many lies to bury it with, you can never hide the truth.


2. Real men don't hurt or make girls cry.