Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Dear Love, Where are you?

JOURNAL ENTRY-- Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Why has love become so commercialized? It's almost become a product: mass produced all around us in movies, books, songs, greeting cards, TV, etc. It makes me sick and sad. Yes, I'm told it's the most amazing thing in the world, so incredible no words can begin to explain it. I honestly believe it. It's one of the things I desire most. It's all everyone wants. I mean it's like there is this desire deep inside me that I was born for love.
I feel like we are all missing a piece of us. That's where loneliness comes from. You can continue life and live without it, but you'll always be sad, feel empty and incomplete, unable to reach your full potential and know true happiness until you find that one person, your soul mate who has the missing piece, and you have theirs. That's the only way to be whole. I know this is true.
We are here on this Earth to find that person and be married for eternity. I believe that is a large reason for our purpose: to love others. We try to emulate the perfect love of our Savior. We must love one another. Love is everything. It sounds so simple, but this is a test. The adversary will do everything in his power to break you apart, to ruin the love he so badly desires. Every day is a battle to keep this true happiness and not believe the lies that worldly things and pleasure are better, when all they really lead to is misery, sorrow, betrayal, loss, and hate. 
This world is so corrupt. I swear that I wake up everyday and when you think the world couldn't be any worse or more wicked, it is. It's only going to get worse. Love truly is a battle. What the world and mass media and market place call "love" is severely distorted. It's so depressing to look around and see how many broken families, shattered lives, and divorces take place.
My point is I love the idea of real love, but I truly believe it doesn't exist anymore. It's too corrupted. It's ruined. It's sad. I know there is love, but not romantic/true love. It's all so fake. There is no trust. I wish I were a princess and young again so I could believe I'd find my prince who'd take me away to the castle for time and eternity. I wish I had that unwavering hope and faith in love. Before I learned that boys can lie, and they more frequently than not do, to use you, to kiss you, and then move onto the next girl like you are nothing, worthless, an item/thing. Before I discovered it's not just men of the world, but men in the church who use girls and only want physical satisfaction. Before I knew what adultery and cheating were.
I don't blame Heavenly Father. I know his plan is perfect. We have free agency and men who use girls and abuse them may get away with it here, but not in heaven. Heavenly Father created us, created the earth, and created love. I love Him for loving us so much. What a blessing! I just feel like I'll never find the love I want, but I won't settle for less. I'd love for "the one for me", if he exists, to prove me wrong and show me love still exists.
However, I'm not getting my hopes up. I have pushed love, boys, and relationships out of my mind. I'm not seeking love, I believe if I'm meant to fall in love, it will find me. Until then, or never, I've been focusing on family, friends, the gospel, making people happy, and schooling--becoming a doctor of radiology. I will continue to do what's right and let fate take it's course. And yes, I feel like something is missing from my life, but I'm still surprisingly happy.
"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together." -Julia Roberts
"Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready... and you'll see God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dreamed of." -President Gordon B. Hinckley <3
Those two quotes are amazing and gives me hope.

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