We all have them. I was inspired to write this entry partly because of my obsession of the show Pretty Little Liars but also to share some of my secrets. I think it's healthy to keep certain secrets. Everyone deserves some privacy in life. But I believe too many secrets bottled up inside you can lead to trouble. I also think that "white lies" are beneficial and good. It's up to you to differentiate when those lies are appropriate. But I don't like people who lie about everything or are living a lie.
So.... I have a great story about a situation where lying lead to amazing things in my life. It's pretty hilarious. Back in the day when I was a silly preteen, my friends and I would always do funny things and play pranks. Well I came up with this crazy story that the kid who played Beans (Steven Anthony Lawrence) on the TV show Even Stevens was my cousin. (I know it's random, don't ask why, I have no clue where I came up with that!) My siblings and family went along with it. My friends all totally believed it.
Well in 2004, when I was a Freshman in high school, I got on this IMDB message board for Steven Anthony Lawrence and wrote a post that said I was his cousin. I got a reply from an actor named Cole Evan Weiss (he's been on House and The Sandlot 2) and he was like "Oh really, you're his cousin? That's funny because he's sitting right next to me and doesn't recall he has a cousin named Charley."
I blushed and was so embarrassed! So Cole gave me his e-mail address and I sent him this HUGE apology that said "I am really really really really really really (the really's went on about 100 times) sorry." And I explained it was a harmless joke. Well he was totally cool about it, and we started a friendship! We would write each other back and forth about my life and his. He is such a sweetheart. He sent me an autographed picture and here is a picture of it!
Overall, however, I think it's best to be honest. I think trust is one of the most important things in the world, especially in relationships. I am real all the time. I may do silly, harmless things like the story above, but I am an honest and genuine girl. I believe in me and I am who you see. I'm not just words, I mean what I say and am not just talk.
Quotes on secrets
"Secrets are made to be found out with time."
"We dance round in a ring and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows."
"No one keeps a secret so well as a child."
"The secret of two is God's secret, the secret of three is everybody's secret."
"Three can keep a secret; if two of them are dead."
"I am not very good at keeping secrets at all! If you want your secret kept do not tell me!"
"Actions are visible, though motives are secret."
"Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret."
-Mary Kay Ash
"Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am."
"One can't underestimate how much the past influences the present."
-Pretty Little Liars
"We've all got secrets."
"Secrets have a way of getting out."
"You think the truth is some big shiny disco ball of purity. Then go ahead and try it. Be honest. See what it gets you. Telling the truth to the wrong person at the wrong time is how I ended up where I am. Take it from me. You're always better off with a really good lie."
"If lying was a crime, we would all be in jail."
"Friends share secrets. That's what keeps us close."
"Sometimes telling the truth does more harm than good."
"Truth only means something when it's hard to admit."
-Veronica "Ronnie" Miller, The Last Song
"No matter how many lies you try to bury it with you can't hide the truth."
"The truth is hard. The truth is awkward and very often, the truth hurts. I mean people think they want the truth. But do they really?"
"The truth is painful. Deep down nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much."
"The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.."
"When it comes to love you need not fall but rather surrender. Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another."
"Do you wanna be the boy I tell all of my secrets to, or the boy all my secrets are about?"
"I've heard that its possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children- we never give up hope."
"Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned."
-Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives
10 of Charley's Secrets
That's right I'm gonna spill some of my heart out to you.
1. I really like this boy at the moment. Luckily, I don't think he will read this (fingers crossed) haha. We're boyfriend/girlfriend supposedly. But, he doesn't want to make it FB official. Which is NBD (No Big Deal) to me. But then again, it kinda is. It kinda worries me because I'm thinking why wouldn't he want people to know we're dating?! Are there other girls he's interested in? I will have you know though that we've only hung out once in two years. He just got back from a mission and we hung out last night and decided to be bf/gf. He's amazingly cute, has the most gorgeous eyes and smile, the best sense of humor, has the same goals/interests/values as me. We just click. The chemistry is undeniable and overwhelming. Anyways, I don't trust like 99.9% of boys because they are either A)Immature and players and just want to have fun and not be serious or B) Conceited and self obsessed and think it should be all about them. I am not in a rush to get serious right away. I believe in becoming best friends first. I think that's the best kind of relationship. I want to marry my best friend. I think you should get to know each other first and take that slow. But when it comes to relationships, I think there are guys who grow up thinking they'll settle down some distant time in the future, and there are guys who are ready for marriage as soon as they meet the right person. The former bore me, mainly because they're pathetic, and the latter, quite frankly, are hard to find. But it's the serious ones I'm interested in, and it takes time to find a guy like that whom I'm equally interested in. I mean, if the relationship can't survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term? I am the queen of second guesses. So I am just going to see where things go and have fun with this. I believe I will know when I find the one and everything will work out as it should.
2. I love love love writing. Like seriously, it's my passion. (If you couldn't tell by this blog). I love inspiring people with my writing. I truly believe words are powerful. Communication is everything. I mean you need actions to back up the talk, but words are important. I write everyday whether it be in school, on my blog, I journal almost everyday, and I even write stories. Most of the time, I burn my stories or tear them apart and throw them away because I think they are awful when I am finished with them. I have a few I've been working on that I have faith in. The older I've gotten the better my writing has become. I'd love to publish some books someday. If I get enough people on my Inspiration Nation (aka YOU!) who want to read excerpts, I will post some so I can get your feedback. The next two pictures are my entire collection of journals (I want to burn them some days, but I never will because they are my memories and are dear to me) and a bad picture of me when I was 14 winning the Young Authors contest in my city.
3. I HATE my smile. I want to love it. I really do. But I hate it. It's the one thing I can't stand about myself (of many). People tell me they love it. I want to love it too and use it. I am working on accepting it. I think it looks like a baby smile, when I really want a big girl smile, like a full big toothy smile. I do love smiling though. It's amazing. And I think one of the best feelings in the world is making someone smile and receiving smiles from people and strangers. Here's some pictures of my smile :(
4. My dream job is actually like 5... model/doctor/actress/detective/writer. Life would be perfect if I could do all of those things. Seriously! I was a model when I was 16 for Sears. That's a secret too. I am going to college to become a radiologist. I would like to be a radiation oncologist someday. I would love to travel to less fortunate countries and donate free medical care. I'd love to be an actress especially on Grey's Anatomy you all know Imma Grey's An-addict. It's on my list of things to do before I die. (So if anyone related to people who work/act/produce Grey's then hook me up please :) I would love that haha even if I am just an extra or patient it would be a dream come true!).
5. If I could have any talent that I don't have, it would be a beautiful voice. I wish I could sing. I sing in the shower and that's it. My singing voice=no bueno. And it's sad because I'd love so much to do musicals and plays and rock at karaoke! My dream is to be Maria in a play of West Side Story. I think I can sing like her (kinda?). There's another secret. WSS is my favorite musical ever. I am in love with it. I am in love with Tony. If I had a good voice I would sing all the time and in front of people!
6. It really annoys me when people freak out when I don't text them back right away or at all. I am a busy busy girl. With school, work, family, and all the other stuff in life, sometimes I'm just too busy to text. And if I don't text you back, it doesn't mean I hate you, or I'm ignoring you, or I don't want to be your friend anymore! Sometimes I get so busy I forget someone texted me. So I apologize to those people. I just wish people would get that I'm not a big texter most of the time... unless I'm like out of town or I have a boyfriend or it's family. But if I don't text you back just chill. I prefer talking on the phone or in person over texting any day!
7. I believe in living each moment of everyday to the absolute fullest. Make each second count. I want to live an adventurous life having fun and helping others. I love doing random things. I want to dance in the rain, kissing in the rain, go on a drive and get lost, spin in circles at a park until you're so dizzy you fall over, go swinging at midnight under a starry sky, take pictures at random places, blow bubbles, have a foam fight or pillow fight, bubble baths, surprises, making someone's day, jumping in piles of leaves, water wars, volunteering in any way, tickle wars, jumping out of airplanes, driving in the car with all the windows down blasting your favorite song, climbing a hill and laying on the ground watching the sunset, playing games and talking with family and friends, or just cuddling with someone I really like watching a good movie. I love learning. I love being alive!
8. There is a land called "Passive-aggressiva" and I am their queen. True story. I am like ultra-nice. I cannot be mean to people even if I try. It's a major flaw. Haha I was dating this boy named Emery last year and I felt like he used me so on Facebook my status said I don't need anger management, I need some sort of anger lessons because I can't get mad/mean with people. Well one of my old high school teachers named Mr. Nelson left me the best comment: "It's called Fight Club. I'm pretty sure I just got kicked out for mentioning it." Haha. Gotta love that.
9. My family is crazy. I don't get them and probably never will. But I love them more than anything. You've probably heard rumors of all sorts. I swear we should have our own reality show with all the drama that goes on. But as the saying goes, we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. I love them with all of my heart. My parents are divorced. My mom is married? to a man I won't speak of because it's not worth my time, I will leave that at that. My dad just got married last week at 10 at night haha it was random. But his new wife Angie is a sweetheart, and I love my new stepsiblings. My dad's name is Ron. My mom is named Angie. I have three younger siblings: McHale (sister) 19, Jordan (sister) 16, and Christian (brother--he's basically my twin seven years apart because we were born on the same day!) 14.
10. I wish I lived in the 1920's or 1940's. Yes I realize we didn't have all the technology and things that make our lives so much easier and better, but I think values were better and families stayed together. I think there was more love and it was romantic. There were more manners. I guess I wish that the culture, dress, manners, and way of life back then could be practiced in today's society. I wish things were like The Notebook and Titanic. The women wore the most gorgeous dresses, shoes, jewelry, and clothing. The men dressed handsomely and in elegant attire like suits. Everyone was proper and had manners. Men were chivalrous. I LOVE chivalry. I believe in it and expect it. Men courted girls, were polite, took you on real dates--dancing, movies, fairs, picnics, moonlit strolls, etc. Oh and drive in movies! I'm in love with everything about those decades. It's where my heart is. The music was great as well--big band, jazz, and classical music. I love it. I wish I could have the best of both worlds. I feel like men were romantic then. I know I just have to stay positive and hopeful. I will find my prince someday.