I was looking back at one of my old journals today from 2009 where I was kinda venting. I think it's healthy to write your feelings on paper. It's freeing in a sense. Paper always will listen to you. I'm going to post some random things I wrote about back then. I am just choosing random things I said so it might be a little confusing.
"I've come to the frustrating conclusion that growing up is the most overrated, stressful, un-fun thing I've ever experienced. I want to experience life... discover myself... who I am, what I want, where I want to be. I want to have fun and be me. I want to have stability. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason in this plan of happiness. There are kids starving, being abused, without parents, homeless, and other sad, heartbreaking situations. I'm blessed beyond comprehension. I just need to keep the faith."
"All of this is so frustrating beyond comprehension. It makes me sick and it's like the Twilight Zone. No matter what happens or what I decide to do, someone is going to get hurt, and I hate seeing people hurt. It makes me sad. I can't believe how fast things can change and spin out of control and what I want most is stability and control because those are two things I don't have."
"I love my sister. We killed a fly and fed it to Megatron, her fish, and then got scared cause we thought it would kill the fish. He's alive. We texted ChaCha and it said flies are a healthy snack for Beta fish. So we're good!"
"Charley Brooke. You have gotten through all of your crazy trials in life amazingly! You are such a strong person! I personally feel that every person will be pushed never over, but always as close as possible to their breaking point, you have--showing how much you can handle, revealing you as the strong person you are."
-My best friend Brie :)
Now back to more things I said:
"This is the most uneventful summer ever. It's gone by the fastest too. Time seems to speed up the older I get, but maybe it's not going faster, maybe I'm just noticing it more or perhaps I'm just crazy and should stop writing, but then again you wouldn't be reading, although I'm not sure why you're reading unless you're me or Brie or I'm dead or who knows, but I don't have that exciting of a life at the moment, so it's beyond me how you could read this far unless you randomly turned to this page and what are the chances of that? One in three hundred-ish?"
ASAP=Always Say A Prayer.
"How do you mend a broken heart? Time I guess. I wish there was an instant cure though."
"Growing up makes time speed up and slow down at the same time. It's insane. Hard to explain. When you grow up, you understand more, but you also get more questions, and answers you might not want to know. Things seem so much more confusing and complicated."
And I'm going to end this post with an incredible quote I wrote in my journal by President Gordon B. Hinkley:
"Love is the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home, it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. In our youth, we sometimes acquire faulty ideas of love, that it can be imposed or simply created for convenience. I noted the following in a newspaper column some years ago: 'One of the grand errors we tend to make when we are young is supposing that a person is a bundle of qualities, and we add up the individual's good and bad qualities, like a book keeper working on debits and credits. If the balance is favorable, we may decide to take the jump (into marriage)... The world is full of unhappy men and women who married because... it seemed to be a good investment. Love, however, is not an investment; it is an adventure. And when marriage turns out to be as dull and comfortable as a sound investment, the disgruntled party soon turns elsewhere... Ignorant people are always saying, 'I wonder what he sees in her [or she sees in him] (and what no one else can see) is the secret essence of love. Love is the only force that can erase the differences between people."