I HATE my life right now. I know I shouldn’t be saying that. After all, this is the Inspiration Nation. The creator shouldn’t hate life or anything. I’m supposed to see the positive in every situation and not be sad. But you have to be sad in order to know happy. And I hate that. I hate suffering and I hate seeing people suffer…especially when it’s caused by someone you love, someone you trusted, someone who’s supposed to protect you and not hurt you, like your family. I’m trying to see the light in the darkness I’m surrounded by. It’s there. It’s always there. I’m just broken right now. I feel broken. I feel numb. My life has just been shattered. It’s been that way for a while. Right when I think it’s getting better or I’m assembling the pieces, it breaks again and falls apart. There’s no control. There is control though. I can control only one thing about my life and that is me and how I will respond to it. I can choose to let this bring me down and be depressed or I can cry about it and then pick myself up and fight to make it right. I can choose to find happiness and if I can’t find it, I can create it. It’s not going to be easy. It’s never been easy. It’s going to be the hardest thing ever, but if I’ve learned one thing in life it’s that we are broken to be made stronger. I know there’s a purpose for everything that happens, even the awful things that seem unexplainable and wrong.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I am blessed beyond measure. There are millions of people without food and water, people who have lost loved ones, people who have suffered through earthquakes and tornadoes and natural disasters far worse that what I’m dealing with, but that doesn’t make my situation any easier to deal with. I still have to feel this pain and it still hurts just as bad. However, looking at the world and all the people living in it gives you perspective. That if those people can make it through the rain, so can I. You have to experience loss and grieve in order to move on. I am going to feel alone and broken and empty for a while… but time heals all wounds. In time this too shall pass and I will be a better, stronger, happier person because I will have made it through this challenge. I always have a loving Heavenly Father who will lead me along every step of the way and for this I am grateful. And I will learn from the mistakes of those around me who have inflicted this pain on me. I will never repeat them or treat anyone else I love the way I’ve been treated. Although now my world has come crashing down, it’s been torn apart like an emotional natural disaster has swept its way through leaving me in the rubble of what once was my life, and everything is so completely unrecognizable I can’t even find where to begin picking up the pieces, I’ll find a way to make it right and make life amazing. I know Heavenly Father won't put me through anything I can't handle. Happiness is a choice and I am choosing it. I love all of my dear friends and readers of this Inspiration Nation. You have no idea how much you mean to me and how much you inspire me. Thank you and I hope you know you are never alone.
With all the love in my heart,
P.S. I am SERIOUSLY considering moving away from this city and this state. It's not home for me anymore. I have a question I hope you will respond to. People on Facebook are saying that moving won't make a difference. I think it will. I believe the people around you like family make a place home. Home is where the heart and loved ones are. My family isn't home to me anymore. I think it would be great to start fresh and make a change for me and meet new people and start over. What do you think?