My Lucy Cat
I loved, and will always love, my Lucy cat. She was the best pet I ever was blessed to have in my life. In her three short years, she managed to never fail to make me smile and laugh even on my worst days. She was very independent and only trusted and loved few. She only gave affection and would let you pet and hold her when she felt like it--which was rare but always amazing. I would give anything to have her back. I kind of blame myself for her death. I am crying as I write this post about her, even though you'd think I would run out of tears by now since I have cried so much about her loss in the last month, but I miss her everyday.
Lucy was an indoor & outdoor cat. She loved being outdoors. She lived in my apartment (which you weren't allowed to have pets in, but luckily my roommates were great and loved her). She always wanted to go outside though. She'd sit in the windows and watch outside and meow at the door and it made me feel bad because she couldn't go outside yet I wanted her to be safe inside.
Well my mom and stepdad have a farm and lots of acres of land in the mountains and said she could come live there and that she'd like it better since she loved being outside and hunting. I had to move to a new apartment with a one new roommate who wouldn't allow me to keep her there because you weren't allowed to. So I decided to let her live with my parents and would visit her every single day. She was happy outside. I'd always find her running, playing, lounging in the grass. Sadly, my stepdad didn't like her and it was depressing to me. He was very mean to her. Sometimes she'd want inside or would lay on the patio furniture and he'd get mad and push her away. I didn't know what to do. I wanted her to come with me to my apartment. I tried to find a friend who would keep her until I could get a place of my own to have her.
I was always worried sick about her at my apartment at nights because I didn't want her to get attacked by a bigger animal since they live in the mountains. Lucy was strong but would be no match to a mountain lion or fox. At the beginning of September, Lucy went missing. I knew something was seriously wrong. Lucy went missing a year before for about a week when we let her outside at another house my mom, siblings, and I lived in during the summertime before she married my stepdad. I prayed and prayed and begged that I would find her. She came back.
So I thought maybe we'd find her. I would go to my parents everyday and go all around their property shouting her name until my voice was nearly gone. I prayed again that I could please have my Lucy cat found and brought back to me. I worried and cried and my family reminded me of the time in the summer she went missing, of how resilient she was and assured me she probably wandered off and was exploring and would return.
A week passed... and then two... and I knew my Lucy cat was gone. I hoped and prayed that a miracle would happen... that my Lucy would come back, but I just had that feeling you get where you know something is very wrong and no matter how much you want this not to be true, no matter how much you try and convince yourself that all is well, you know at the bottom of your heart that it's not.
I still came up everyday and would follow my same routine shouting Lucy's name. "Luce... Lucy cat! Lucy!" Then I'd call my family at all hours and ask for an update... ask if they saw her. Nothing. My parents finally told me that they gave her away. My mom said since my stepdad was so rude to her, she gave Lucy away to a nice family with little kids that would keep her safe inside and play with her. This made me so mad. I thought it was so unfair because she was MY cat. I wanted her back. I would take her with me to my apartment and not care what my roommate thought because all that mattered was Lucy.
Lucy had been there for me through two surgeries... Lucy was there for me on the hardest of days. Lucy was a friend. I loved Lucy. Lucy was like a dear family member. She was more important than some stupid rules and a mean, uncaring roommate. I just wanted my cat. I wanted her back. I wanted to hold her and love her and never ever let her out of my sight again. I felt like I had failed her and it nearly broke me.
My family said I was overreacting. They called me a crazy cat lady. They've never loved cats and animals like me. I was born with this love for them. I thought it was so mean of them to call me a crazy cat lady... cat ladies lived in houses with like dozens of cats running around, I just had one and she was all that mattered and yes I did love her with all my heart and would do anything to get her back, that isn't crazy it's love. It's what someone would do for their family.
Well my mom refused to tell me where this "family" who took my cat was. She'd put off answering me... make excuses that she didn't know the exact address, or she'd take me later, or some other answer that just raised more questions and red flags. I wasn't going to give up on my Lucy. I still knew something was up... or rather down.
I had had it. I had to know what happened to Lucy. I almost wanted to just keep pretending that the whole "Lucy is off with a good family" story was true... it was better than the alternative. However, I wasn't a little girl. The whole "we took your animal to a farm where it's all rainbows and sunshine and happiness" when in reality your pet was dead story was as fake as fairy tales. I didn't want to hear my baby was dead. Just thinking about it made me sick and brought tears to my eyes, but if Lucy was indeed gone, I needed to mourn her and properly remember her and tell the story of my cat and write this blog post in her memory.
So last week, it was Wednesday, I drove to my mom's house late that evening and confronted her.
And that's when I learned what I knew was true about Lucy's fate.
I fell apart. I stormed out of the house. They said an animal must have killed her and that she was buried in our backyard. I still have my suspicions that my stepdad either ran her over or killed her because he hated her and didn't care that I loved her. Either way, it was gruesome and horrifying and heartbreaking and unfair. Why?
There was no logical answer. I sobbed and screamed and fell apart driving home that night. It was not good.
I stayed with my angel grandparents (who I have mentioned numerous times in this blog). They really helped me start the healing process. I blamed myself. What if I hadn't let Lucy stay with my parents? What if I had been there at the moment whatever happened to her happened? What if I never bought Lucy from the pet store in the first place she might have had a better life with a better person to care for her? What if...? The what ifs were endless and all leaded back to it's my fault.
My grandma sat me down on the couch and held me in her arms and let me cry on her shoulder.
She explained to me that I am the most kindhearted girl with the biggest heart for animals especially cats. She said I loved Lucy cat even more than myself (which is true) and did absolutely all I could to make her happy and give her the best life possible. She reminded me everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand it now. Lucy is in heaven... there is no pain, no suffering, and she can run and play and is waiting for me. It wasn't my fault because I would never hurt Lucy, I'd do everything to keep her safe. I would've stopped it if I knew it was going to happen. She said Lucy loved me too. Lucy was there for me and did her job to give me love as I did her and now it was her time to go.
She said I would miss Lucy but would see her again. Lucy would want me to be happy. Lucy is happy and all is well. I know this is all true. I really did everything in my power to give Lucy the most incredible life I could. I loved Lucy with all the love I possess and vice versa. I don't have to worry about my Lucy cat... worry that she is hurting, worry that she is scared, worry that she is unhappy, worry about finding her a place to live because my stepdad was so awful to her, worry about my stepdad being awful to her because now he can't anymore... I know with all of me that Lucy is in a much better place, and despite the fact I wish she was still with me, that I miss her every second of every hour of every day, this is what's meant to be.
I am so grateful and will forever cherish, remember, and look forward to being with my Lucy cat again.
I know she is now truly safe and being cared for THE BEST and watching over me.
I love Lucy and Lucy loves me.
I highly encourage anyone who wants to, or is getting, a kitten or cat to keep them indoors at all costs. There are many benefits to raising cats indoors, and Lucy's story is an example. I don't know Lucy's cause of death, and I don't think I could handle knowing what it was, but I feel like she was safer indoors no matter how much she loved the outdoors. Lucy was raised to be both. I gave her the choice to be indoors and out. She would go outside and come to our door or go through the cat door when she wanted to be inside. She loved this, but I think if you raise a kitten/cat to be indoors they will live longer lives.
Here are some top reasons to keep your cats (pets) indoors:
-They can't get hit by cars.
-They are safe from predators and bigger animals.
-They don't create neighbor problems.
-They rarely get abscesses from fighting.
-They are safe from human abuse.
-They can get plenty of exercise with interactive toys and be healthy with a good diet.
-They don't get lost.
-They don't get stolen.
Cats are beneficial to our health. This is scientifically proven. They lower stress, offer unconditional love, their purr is being shown to be a natural healer for many various health problems, and they are inspiring and offer companionship and help in tough times. I know my sweet little Lucy cat did all of these things and more. I don't think cats are right for everyone. However, if you love animals and are thinking about getting a pet, I highly recommend adopting or buying a cat. There are so many feral cats that end up dying. It's a sad situation. Many cats are in shelters waiting for a good home. These sweet animals need homes and good people to love and care for them, and they do the same for you.
Even though losing my Lucy has been devastating and depressing, even though I only had three years with her, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I wouldn't give them up. I am thankful for the time I had with Lucy no matter how short. These were some of the best years for me. There were some of the worst and hardest challenges and trials in my life during these years, but Lucy helped me through them. She could calm me down and bring light into the darkest of times when all else failed.
When times get tough, I tend to make lists of the things I am thankful for, blessings in my life that help remind me how beautiful life still is, and looking back Lucy was always on those lists. She was what got me through. I love you Lucy cat.
"There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat."
"There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats."
"There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone."
~Louis J. Camuti
"There has never been a cat
Who couldn't calm me down
By walking slowly
Past my chair."
Who couldn't calm me down
By walking slowly
Past my chair."
"If there is one spot of sun spilling onto the floor, a cat will find it and soak it up."
"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."
"If the pull of the outside world is strong, there is also a pull towards the human. The cat may disappear on its own errands, but sooner or later, it returns once again for a little while, to greet us with its own type of love."
"I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through."
"The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life."
~Carl Van Vechten
"Cats come and go without ever leaving."
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
"What greater gift than the love of a cat?"
"Kittens are angels with whiskers."
"Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow."
"It is in the nature of cats to do a certain amount of unescorted roaming."
"Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow."
~George F. Will
No heaven will not ever Heaven be
Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
"People who love cats have some of the biggest hearts around."
"When you're used to hearing purring and suddenly it's gone, it's hard to silence the blaring sound of sadness."
"Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a wornout coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another."
"I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul."
"You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
"Who hath a better friend than a cat?"
"A meow massages the heart."
My angel Lucy cat
Lucy was the cutest cat to cuddle with. When she lived with me in my apartment, she would always sleep with me and wake me up by licking my hand or rubbing her head against me. Her purr was the sweetest sound and always calmed me down.
Lucy was an indoor cat for the most part but LOVED the outdoors. She loved to hunt. She loved to explore and lay in the sun in the grass.
This always made me smile. Whenever Lucy wanted in a room, she would put her paw under the door. It was the cutest thing.
I came home and would often find Lucy cat sleeping in the sink. She loved it.