Wednesday, June 20, 2012

How To Fall Out of Love with Love

let's take a better look... 

 beyond a story book

 and learn our souls are all we own

 before we turn to stone

 lets go to sleep with clearer heads

 and hearts too big to fit our beds and maybe we won't feel so alone

before we turn to stone
charley brooke
amazing[ly] [clueless] girl [full of] wonder
yes, i had a photoshoot of sorts today... 
It's been far too long, lovelies.
Let's talk...
This is me.
I want to be all inspiration-y 24/7, 365, forever-and-ever-and-ever, to infinity & beyond, don't we all?
If life was all sunshines, movie moments, perfect days, find our true love the instant we wish for him on birthday candles, at 11:11, or when our hearts ache for that person, that unknown soul wandering somewhere-who-knows-where, would be paradise. But that isn't how life works as, and I for one can testify to this time and again, much as we all desire for it to be that way. We just have to keep going even when the going is tough and you want to stop going because who knows where the next miracle, the next movie moment, the next wish come true will come from... or when? They happen, you know? 
I, also for one, can tell you that I am constantly thinking that I am the exception... that I am exempt from the good stuff, that my happily ever after is non existent and instead I am forced to be alone always and forever, watching everyone else (all of my friends, family, associates, strangers, everyone else BUT ME) live these perfect, happy, sunshine-y lives finding love, finding adventure, finding themselves, finding family... and me, stuck in this limbo state of nothingness, defective me... girl who is a boy repellant (apparently) and not ever good enough (or even close) no matter how hard she tries.
Trust me lovelies, NO ONE judges me, criticizes me, more than myself. So for all those who do out there, I can assure you that I do enough damage for everyone. Why though? Why am I not good enough? Why am I light years away from finding love or true happiness when it seems like everyone around me doesn't even have to try, they just get it without any effort? Why do I make people run, leave, race away and never look or come back to me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? And most of all, and this is the big one, WHY DO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE? 
I don't really know if there are answers to these questions. 
For any of you who have ever felt the way I feel, I know what you're going through but I also know you'll get through. You aren't the only one who is broken. It's only when we are broken that we can become built stronger, better than before. It's easy to feel like you're alone, destined for loneliness, despite the fact that there are 7+ billion people in this world. How commonplace it is to feel alone in crowded rooms. 
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
That being said, I believe that we are too hard on ourselves. We are too busy being worried about impression others and not making a fool of ourselves and miss out on the fun, the happiness. We shut ourselves out, build walls that can touch the stars around our hearts, and that's no way to live. No way to love. We all have something to give, and we should give until nothing is left, and even then keep giving, keep surviving, keep thriving, keep loving, keep laughing, keep working, keep inspiring, keep keeping on. 
You may feel like you're nothing new, but that isn't true. You are the only you there is. And I have to trust in my convictions and have faith that someone out there will appreciate and love every single part of me unconditionally, someone will do the same for you. First, to find someone you love, you've got to love yourself. Smile. Be kind to others. You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. It's all up to you. Is what you are living for, worth dying for? Chances come briefly and out of nowhere and at times that may feel awkward or rushed, but take them! Because chances only come rarely and often not twice. Yes, they come with risks and are scary, but it's good to be afraid, it means you have something to lose... something worth losing. That's how we feel alive. 
I don't know about the rest of you lovelies, but I am not afraid of dying... I am not entirely fearless, I must admit... here's my biggest fear: the unlived life (not living life to the fullest). 
As the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, TALENTED, ARTIST, POET, EXTRAORDINAIRE Tyler Knott Gregson wrote, "It is only when we decide that 'ordinary' is an insult that we become the exquisite miracles we were born to be."
As for the title of this post: HOW TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH LOVE
I am not sure it's possible. 
I believe once you are in love with someone or something, truly in love, that it's impossible to fall out of love with it. 
After all, you should never give up on anything you can't go a day without thinking about. 
With Love,

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