Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Near Death Experience

In an instant you can go from this...

To this.
On Friday December 6th,2013 at around 6:00am, my husband Ryan found me unconscious.
It was a great, relaxing night. I had just been released from a near week long stay at the hospital. We were lying in bed relaxing watching Grey's Anatomy. Ryan kissed me goodnight and tucked me in as always after we said our prayers. Then we went to bed. 
We were having a wonderful, usual night until the unexpected occurred.
By some miraculous chance, Ryan awoke earlier than usual and turned to check on the love of his forever. 
I was lying in bed next to him completely pale. My lips were blue. I was not breathing.
He went into survival mode with one goal in mind: to save his wife.
He pressed his lips to my cold mouth and desperately tried CPR to no avail.
He tried to splash water on me and shake me awake. 
I wouldn't wake up.
Somehow, miraculously, Ryan picked up my dead weight body and carried me up our cement stairs (we live in a basement apartment) and placed me in a blanket into his car and raced me to the hospital with superhero strength. He ran into the ER and got a secretary to grab a wheelchair and help him carry me inside the hospital. They called a code blue and rushed me back into the hospital.
My oxygen level was 40. 
Ryan waited in the waiting room and called my mom.
She called my sisters and grandma and father.
They rushed to the hospital.
It was the scariest moment of my entire life.
I went to sleep and suddenly woke up to bright lights.
I felt like I was drowning and couldn't breathe.
There were tubes down my throat.
Dozens and dozens of doctors rushed around me, surrounding me.
It was chaos.
I was paralyzed.
I couldn't move a limb or talk.
I thought I was going to die. 
I had no idea what was going on.
I thought I had locked in syndrome.
I wanted to cry and scream and find my family and wake up to hope this was nightmare.
I could only move my eyes.
Suddenly, I heard the voices of my mom and Ryan. 
I said a silent prayer in my mind to have them come to me.
All of a sudden I was calmed when they appeared in front of me.
I looked them in the eyes with a gaze that spoke more than all the words in the world could.
I was okay. I loved them. I was saved. I loved them loved them loved them.
The doctors took me away and ran me to a CT and somehow I was able to tell a nurse I was freezing cold.
Funny story in all of this. 
I used all of my strength and was able to fight the medicine that kept me from moving. I could control my hand. The nurses handed me a white board and marker to write what I wanted to say... This is what I wrote (or tried to).
is what I was trying to say.
I was in so much pain!
The medicine they used to try and sedate my mind and take away the pain wasn't working.
Too bad my handwriting looked like gibberish!
The doctors told my family that there was a possibility that I might not be me. I might be a vegetable or lose brain function. 
They said to prepare for the worst.
They got the best!
Luckily, I was fine. 
I was completely me. I could think. I was awake the entire time. 
They put me in a temporary coma and I was on a breathing machine and life support.
They did this so my body could rest for a bit.
It turned out that I had a reaction to some medication.
That's what caused my heart and lungs to stop.
It was the most amazing, hopeful, happy moment when they woke me up and I saw my beautiful family. They took the tubes out of my mouth, and I could breathe. It was a miracle.
I am a miracle.
This is proof there are miracles.
I am so thankful for those doctors and nurses that saved my life.
I can't thank them enough. 
Ryan is my hero.
He saved me.
If he hadn't found me or woken up, I'd be dead right now.
I love my sweethearted husband.
I am grateful to all of my family and friends who supported me and were there for me during that time.
My father in law Paul and Ryan gave me a blessing before I woke up when I was in my worst state.
All of my family were comforting each other in the ICU waiting room and crying. I feel so bad.
I love them dearly.
Only three people were allowed to come in the room in the ICU at a time.
It was so wonderful to see my family come in three by three.
My sweet, darling sisters McHale and Jordan came in and embraced me and my little brother Christian (Lambsey).
My mom and grandma comforted me and held my hands.
Ryan was by my side the entire time. He kissed my forehead and took care of me the entire stay.
My mother in law Cindy and father in law Paul came in and saw me and supported me.
I'm so loved. 
And I LOVE all of them.
I got so many messages of support and love on Facebook from friends, associates, and strangers and I can't begin to express my gratitude towards them.
I got MRSA in the ICU. 
It was a little scary.
Everyone had to suit up in gowns and gloves to visit me.
There are strict rules in the ICU that no one can visit after 10:00 pm.
I had a super nurse Kamilla who let Ryan stay the whole night :) That made me so happy! We've never spent a night apart since we got married and I couldn't have made it alone without him there.
I believe it wasn't my time to go. Heavenly Father needs me here still for a reason.
I was in the hospital that whole week anyways and was discharged on Thursday.
My doctor was a surgeon who I feel neglected me and didn't care.
He didn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I am in such pain.
I feel like I'm dying somedays because I'm in pain that is outrageously, unbelievably intense. 
I felt he didn't care. He ran tests, but I feel like he could have done more.
He told me he was frustrated with me. 
Who does that?
It's not my fault I am hurting and something is wrong.
He was angry he couldn't figure it out... so he gave up.
Our health care system makes me want to cry sometimes.
I wish I could find a caring doctor.
I wish Dr. House was real because even if he didn't care, he would find the answers.
I need help.
But where do I find it?
I will stay happy though.
I am faithful.
There's always hope.
Pain is there for a reason. It means there is a problem.
Pain makes me stronger though.
These are my beautiful bridesmaids and best friends.
I am hurt and feel forgotten by a few of them and some other friends.
The girls are as followed in the picture: McHale and Jordan (my sisters), Deedra, me, Aubrey (Brie), and Stacie.
I didn't hear from some of them during all of this hell.
It breaks my heart.
I hate change. I hate when friends fade away. I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat if something was wrong.
I love them all no matter what. I just wish they felt the same. 
I miss you girls...
The lovely Tyson and I a few years ago. He will be my friend forever. He's like my older brother. I love you Ty! He's married to my best friend Brie. She's a lucky girl. I'm a lucky girl to know this boy. 

My wonderful, beautiful family. Always there for me.
Jordan (sister), Bob (stepdad), mom, Ryan, me, Colton (stepbrother), Tyler (stepbrother), McHale (sister), Alex (her boyfriend), and bottom row-- Christian (brother) and Tanner (stepbrother).
They are the best support system.

He is always saving me.

The best friends ever. I love them all with all of me. TyBrie (Tyson and Aubrey) are the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. They are ALWAYS without FAILURE or QUESTION there for me!!!

We have been dragged through the deepest pits of hell but always make it through because we live in heaven. Our love is heaven.

Always be thankful and happy! Life isn't a guarantee. Time is precious. It can be taken in an instant. I am living proof of that.

Sisters by blood, friends by choice. I love Jordy and Kale! The best sisters. They take care of me like no other.

CiCi + Brie= Once in a lifetime friends. We are friends for forever. We've been friends since we were 4!

Lovelies, spend every moment with love in your hearts. Learn from this. You could fall asleep and never wake up. A loved one could drop dead at any second. In the blink of an eye you could lose someone... your everything. Don;t wait. Do things now. Say things now. Be kind. Tell those you love that you love them. I love you! I love all of my loved ones. I am thankful.
I love this quote...
"Whatever your difficulties- a devastated heart, financial loss, feeling assaulted by the conflicts around you, or a seemingly hopeless illness- you can always remember that you are free in every moment to set the compass of your heart to your highest intentions. In fact, the two things that you are always free to do- despite your circumstances- are to be present and to be willing to love."
It's true. 
I am far from perfect, but I believe that you don't have to be perfect to inspire others. No one is perfect. Inspire people by how you deal with your imperfections. Your struggles. My friend Tyson, mentioned above, gave me this wisdom: When it comes to anger, trials, frustrations, fights, or hatred think of this... will it matter in 5 years? 10 years? 50 years? 500 years? Then let it go. Be happy. Be loving. 
I am an infinities worth of thankful.
<W/L3 (With Love),
Charley Brooke Syndergaard

Friday, November 29, 2013

END [NO] metriosis

Fire Burns Brighter In The Darkness
closing your eyes won't help

I read this quote. It really struck me.
"Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now."
Now I believe... NO I KNOW there is a heaven.
But we are on this earth right now.
I firmly believe in living in the now. Planning for the future is important. I think planning and dreaming and preparing is essential. However, what about now? Love living, breathing, taking in, being in now. Don't waste your life, your time, your energy, your love. Use it now. Be happy. Don't let anything or anyone stop you. Don't waste your time looking at the past either. Move forward and love where you are going.  I love the following quote from the word magician Tyler Knott Gregson:
"I stand in total wonder at the display before me. The best things truly come when you have the patience to endure."
You've read my previous posts about my endometriosis. If not, they are available on my blog to read.
Maybe you wonder why I am sharing such personal information, but I can't keep it inside me.
I wish I would've had someone who could've told me these things. Their story. Their trial and error.
The truth is, endometriosis is a life sentence.
It's painful.
It's difficult.
It's tear inducing.
It's wrenching.
It's cruel.
It's unbearable at times.
It can feel hopeless.
Remember you can't spell hopeless without hope.
There is always hope.
There are medical advances.
Here's an update on the story of a girl living with endometriosis, namely, me.
And Ryan, my dear sweet husband, Ryan.
The best day of our forever. 5/11/13. The day I became a princess. The day I married my prince.
The day I became Mrs. Charley Brooke Syndergaard. The day my dreams came true.

And we still smile no matter what!

Be positive. Be in love. Be you!

 kiss :) And shop! And live each moment like it's our last.

 He basically takes my breath away.

 :( Hospital stay after my hysterectomy. 
Poor sick girl. However, she has her sweetheart always by her side, always steady, always strong, always holding on. Always and forever. 

 YUCK! This is barium sulfate. I had to drink this YUMMY (not!) shake last Friday.
TWO of them.
They taste citrusy but like white paint! They look like white paint and taste like it.
As I said in my Halloween post,
I had surgery on Halloween.
Well a few weeks ago, Ry and I went to my amazing doctor.
I've still been in immensely, excruciating pain. 
Still pelvic pain.
Also, I'd been having left upper quadrant pain that I thought might be breast or chest pain. 
That led to a visit to the ER.
Don't get me started on ERs.
I know they are busy.
I work in the healthcare field and have for almost four years.
I just don't appreciate how they've treated me.  
We need better hospital patient care.
Another story for another post...
Moving on, my doctor ordered a CT scan with contrast.
So Ry took me Friday after drinking my icky drinks to get a CT.
CT scans aren't as scary as they seem.
You get an IV with contrast they push through you.
It makes your entire body feel hot and flushed. It makes you feel like you're peeing your pants! You aren't though :)
You lie on a table that moves you through this circle shaped machine (The CT) a few times and then BAM it's over. 
I got my results Monday.
The scans show what the radiologist called a splenic hemangioma.
This is what it looks like ...

You can go ahead and Google that.
It's what my friends and family did.
The results are slim.
Basically it is a mostly benign tumor of blood vessels. 
It's incredibly RARE except it's one of the most common types of splenic tumors.
Treatment is debatable.
Luckily for me, I work in an office of general surgeons :)
Plus I have the best OB doctor ever.
I'm in good hands.
We're wondering if it could be endometriosis spread to the spleen.
Either way, each condition is RARE.
My family and friends are worried, but we laugh at this.
I'm a lemon on the inside haha. 
The health problems I have are crazy and bizarre. 
The rest of my family are all healthy.
I have doctors appointments this coming week.
I just want to be out of pain!!!
Pain is there to tell us something.
I thank God that we have medical advances to give us answers.
I'll keep you updated on what happens.
Where's Dr. House when you need him?!
I have faith all will be well.
I am a lucky girl all in all.
I am THANKFUL for everything.
I am THANKFUL for YOU, my lovelies.
My life.
My love.
My family.
My friends.
My home.
My mom, dad, soon to be stepmother Tressa, my stepfather Bob, my step siblings Tyler, Jordan, Tanner, and Colton, my sister-in-law Britton, my in laws Cindy and Paul, Amber, Tyler, Lisa, Paul, Scott, Courtney, Brett, Kyle, my sisters McHale and Jordan, my little brother and twin Christian, my best friends of all time Deedra, Aubrey, Tyson, Stacie, and Lexie, everyone who has changed my life for the better, my grandparents Nettie and Curt, my Aunt Michelle, Uncle Robert, cousins Kyler and Madison, and most of all, my HUSBAND... RYAN PAUL SYNDERGAARD
Family is Forever.
Eternal love.

 The beautiful Tressa and my dad Ron.

 The best friends I girl could dream of...
Jordan (sister), Brie, me, Dee, McHale (sister) & Stace

 The Syndergaard Family :)
I just love them!
Scott, Courtney, Lisa, Ry, me, Paul, & Brett!

MY FAMILIA-the Allen family
Lambsey (Christian), Grandma Curt, Ryan, me, Momzy, Bob, McHale, Jordan, Aunt Michelle, Uncle Robert, Madison, BOTTOM ROW: Jordan (stepbro), Britton (step sister-in-law), Tanner (stepbro), and Tyler (stepbro).

Always love,
Love always
<W/L3 [with love]
Charley Brooke Syndergaard

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

My Eyes Rain as the Sky Cries


         My Eyes Rain as the Sky Cries
          By: Charley Brooke (2012)
Rain or teardrops?
So hard to differentiate 
Falling, falling, nonstop 
Pouring through floodgates
Pounding on roofs and hearts
Rushing like a waterfall
Invisible falling stars of art
Wipe them off, replaced with a plastic doll smile
All because I'm waiting for the good part
Before these tears, raining from these eyes, I drown.
Pull apart. Take apart. Break apart.
When will I be found?
Take me to the rain.
Kiss away the pain.
Bring on the storm, the lightning, the thunder. 
Never again shall we be asunder.
Now I can see clear with no more tears.
He whispered in my ear "Have no fears. I'll be your knight in the night."
It only takes one spark.
To light up the dark.
I pulled you into an embrace
"Why are you sad, boy?"
And I discovered these were tears of joy
Perhaps sometimes the sky cries for us 
In raindrops of happiness.