Thursday, June 16, 2016

To Wish Impossible Things

For your reading pleasure, lovelies. 
We're flashing back to 2012 and excerpts of my journal "Here(Hear)You Me".

Friday July 20, 2012
"Christian and I were discussing what we would do if we won the lottery, today. I'd like to know the secret of "how to do and get everything that you would do and get if you won the lottery without actually winning the lottery". I could leave this town and run forever. I could move to North Carolina or Utah or Washington or Oregon or maybe have a home in more than one state. I could build and pay off my beautiful dream house. I could get agents so I could become an actress and model and taking acting classes. I could find a publicist and become a writer and publish my journals and books. I could get porcelain veneers, a new surgical smile, a gorgeous smile that would light up everywhere I went. I could afford to buy a Forever 21 or whatever store I love for my closet. I could afford to shop at Saks, Urban Outfitters, Vera Wang, Bloomingdales, and Free People. I could actually buy real, lovely vintage dresses and shoes. I could travel the world... visit the USA, Canada, Australia, Italy, England, France, Fiji, anywhere and everywhere. I could take cruises.
I could get some sort of role (big or small) on Grey's Anatomy. I could have my own huge library full of endless books and DVDs. I could work towards or contribute to curing cancer and other terrible diseases. I could have a pink Voltswagon Beetle.  I could take amazing art classes and become an artist. I could help my family, especially my mom, to repay them for all that they've done for me. I could accomplish everything on my list of things to do before I die. I could donate to the church and charity. I could change lives and make a difference.
  Now I know they say that money can't buy you happiness. Love, family, and friends are true happiness (heaven on Earth).  However, life, this life, doesn't come with any promise or guarantees when it comes to love. Our birth certificates don't contain a declaration that states one day our prince, or our true love, will come. No matter how much you wish, dream, hope, pine, and think about love, you can't will it into your life. Happily ever afters are as rare as once upon a times.
Can you be a princess without a prince? A princeless princesss? What makes a girl worth saving, worth fighting for, worth slaying dragons for, worth taking to a ball? I like to believe true love exists and that you can make your life a fairytale, more than that: a fairytale even fairytale characters would be jealous of, but until I see evidence to the contrary, I know fairytales are merely fiction told to children and little girls to make the difficult task of becoming an adult, or growing up, less painful.
I believe that money could buy me happiness that I could share with others. It could make me as happy as possible in a life lacking love. After all, winning the lottery seems more realistic than the chances of finding, and falling in, love."

Here I stand, four whole years after writing this, and I thought I found love. I was the happiest girl alive , and thought I'd found forever, but it turned out to be a lie. I got married. Then my world, my dream, my love all came unravelled, undone, transforming into a nightmare that showed me the painful light of truth which I was too blind in love to see, until all the beautifully gorgeous lies were discovered. No matter how many lies you try to bury it with, you can never hide the truth. Remember that, lovelies. As much as it hurts (hurts being the understatement of the day), I'd rather know the piercing truth than live a lifetime of lies. My forever only lasted two years.
Be of love a little more careful than anything.
Sometimes Prince Charming is really no prince at all. He'll tell you sweet nothings that are the best words you've ever heard. Never forget that actions are more important than words. It's no secret that I LOVE Taylor Swift. It's like she saw my heart and situation when she said the following things:

"Real love doesn't mess with your head. Real love just is. Real love just endures. Real love maintains. Real love takes it page by page."

"Part of me feels you can't say you were truly in love if it didn't last. If I end up getting married and having kids, that's when I'll know it's real--because it lasted."

This is what it comes down to...

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds. When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same."
-William Shakespeare

It is my sincerest wish and prayer that you find love. Read that last word one more time. Not infatuation. Not a crush. Not a one night stand. Not a fling. No. I'm talking about true love. You deserve a love that will not alter, grows stronger every day, is sure (leaving no uncertainties, no lies, no fear, no second guessing), and lasts forever. Never settle. It's better to be alone than with the wrong person who takes you for granted and treats you as anything less than the exquisite, perfectly imperfect, extraordinary, lovely miracle that you are. I have to have faith that it exists despite all the evidence to the contrary... because make no mistake, love is the reason. Love. It's why we're here. Love. One word, four letters, that means everything, is misused and abused by the world, while people who find love can testify that no other words in any language can even begin to touch and do justice to the enormity of its definition.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be (and more). That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything... you risk even more.
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

 Charsley & Lambsey
twins 7 years apart.
I am the most blessed older sister in the world.
I love all of my three siblings and even my four stepbrothers.
Family is everything.
I'm sending a shout out in this entry for my little brother, Christian (Lambsey) because he is the one who had the lottery conversation with me that led to this post. I love this boy fiercely. I can't believe he's growing up so fast! He's turning into such a handsome man. He has the biggest heart and the best personality. It's impossible not to love Lambsey. I could shout out [or write] loud about how proud I am for all he is and does. He's a pillar of strength. Someday, some girl out there will become the luckiest girl to have him! I love you, little brother. #bft

Quote time...

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."
-Anna Louise Strong

"It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."

"Trouble's part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough."
-Dinah Shore

"We chase wild dreams and long for all that eludes us, when the greatest joys are within our grasp, if we can only recognize them."

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
-Ecclesiates 4:12

"It's easy to be happy when things are going well. Marriage is about making it through, staying together, even when things turn to crap."
-One Tree Hill

"Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give."

"It wasn't a matter if I loved you, it was a matter if you fought and stayed."
-R. G. Moon

"Real love asks us to do hard things--to forgive one another, to support each other's dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn't easy--and it's nothing like the wedding day--but it's far more meaningful and wonderful."

"No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice."

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time. And always, one more time."
-Maya Angelou

"i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete 
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of 
us combined
could set it
on fire."
-rupi kaur

All or Nothing by Lang Leav
If you love me
for what you see,
only your eyes would be
in love with me.

If you love me
for what you've heard,
then you would love me
for my words.

If you love,
my heart and mind,
then you will love me,
for all that I'm.

But if you don't love
my every flaw,
then you mustn't love me--
not at all.

"Repeat this until you understand it: I do not need people who do not need me."

"Your feelings are so important to write down, to capture, and to remember because today you're heartbroken, but tomorrow you could be in love again."
-Taylor Swift

THIS--->"Perhaps the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving."

"The best feeling in the whole entire world is meeting your next love. To meet a person who completely mends your heart and fixes you piece by piece, injecting love into your veins and reminding you of who you were before your heart was broken. It's something that you never believe will happen, but when it does, it's so amazing, it's impossible to describe."

"I would apologize for my sadness, but then I would have to apologize for my words. For my heart, all the thoughts cooped up in my mind, and for this love that never seems to leave me."

"In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, one who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor. Life is tough enough without the person who is supposed to love you leading the assault on your self-esteem, your sense of dignity, your confidence, and your joy. In this person's care, you deserve to feel physically safe and emotionally secure."
-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Here are the things I know for sure: when you think you're right, you are most likely wrong. Things that break--be they bones, hearts, or promises--can be put back together but will never really be whole. And, in spite of what I said, you can miss a person you've never known. I learn this over and over again, every day I spend without you."
-Jodi Picoult

"You know what will make a difference? Pour your heart and soul into everything you do and watch every aspect of your life change one by one."

"All we have endured will make us invincible. From the fire comes strength."
-Tyler Knott Gregson

"Love is never wanting to give up."
-Jodi Picoult

"Sometimes you look up and there just seems to be so many more stars than ever before. More. They burn brighter and they shine longer and they never vanish into your periphery when you turn your head. It's as if they come out for us and to remind us that their light took so long to come to us, that if we never had the patience to wait, we never would have seen them here, tonight, like this. That as much as it hurts, sometimes it's all you can do, wait, endure and keep shining knowing that eventually, your light will reach where it is supposed to reach and shine for who it is supposed to shine for. It is never easy, but it is always worth it."
-Tyler Knott Gregson

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
-Oscar Wilde

"If you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"If you stay, stay forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for the better. If you talk, make sure you mean what you say."

"The hardest walk is walking alone. But, it also makes you the strongest."

"Sometimes, we go through the worst to get to the best."

In all things, make love your constant companion. Be loving. Be lovely. Be you. Believe.

<W/L3 Charley Brooke

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