Wednesday, December 20, 2017

We Play Dumb But Know Exactly What We're Doing

 Jord & I circa 2012.
Grey's Anatomy makes you feel like a doctor :)

Tuesday May 29, 2012
Tonight was a sister night... Jordan and I had quite the night. Lets just say being forced to spend you summer in Pocatello requires you to be creative or succumb to death by boredom. 
You have to chase your own fun, create memories anew, and build the foundation of a summer worth remembering by yourself cause no one else will. What did tonight's activities consist of? We started driving aimlessly, two Chriswell girls merely enjoying the sunshine, an idea built which grew into an evening of memories past and new ones made.
We were near Chubbuck and decided randomly to go on an ex-boyfriend's house tour/drove bys while telling stories of ghosts of boyfriends past and blasting music. First stop on tour de exes--Sam's mom's house. It was the first time I'd driven down Chateau, past his house (or former house), or even been in that area and the surrealness and remembering and flashbacks could drown you or cut you like a knife.
I could see Sam in the rearview mirror waving goodbye as tears spilled down my eyes as I drove away from him, the last time I'd ever see him as a couple, back in February 2010, before he left to the MTC. Crazy feelings. The realization weighed heavy inside me suddenly that if all had gone according to plan, if Sam had stayed at the MTC and chosen to go on his mission, he would've just returned home in February of this year--which means we would've been married, or engaged to be married, at this exact moment. Wow. Can you believe how fast time rushes by and how it sweeps us away to new things, people, and places? How much everything can change in a matter of two years, so much so that you don't even recognize anything? How it can cause memories to seem unreal, like just dreams or nightmares or make believe?
I'd be lying if I said I never thought about Sam. Deleting people from your life is easy; removing them from your head and heart is a near impossible task. I honestly believe that I am where I'm supposed to be and that everything that happened did so for a reason, the right reasons. Sam and I weren't meant to be. I'll always love him. I miss things about him, the good times, but most of all, I miss not being lonely. Loneliness is like my current address. It surrounded me. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. I hope not. 
I really want the best for Sam and hope all is well for him. I wish we could still be friends or at least not complete strangers. I have no idea where in the world he is. I haven't seen or heard from him since August 2010. I've moved on but still will never stop caring. Sam's old house looked deserted. I don't even know if Beth still lives there. 
That's the last time I'll do a "Sam-drive-by".
So next we went to Jordan's current on-again-off-again-every-other-day-flavor-of-the-week boyfriend's (Ryan) house which wasn't far from Sam's old place. Haha wow. Silly times. I'll let J describe it. She left me the following comment on FB about it immediately after:
"YOU SAY YOU WANT TO START A REVOLUTION... Z103 what is up? Status update? Just eatin some soup. Oh yeah, what kind? Cream of chicken. Um that is gross. DAMN RECESSION. Drive up the boyfriend's hill! OOPS! He's getting out of his car (just our luck) so I hide and Sexy and I Know It starts jammin and you [me, Charley] look like a complete creeper pedophile hahahahaha cause I hid :) Ahhhh love ya! OHHHH can't forget how I pass out dead asleep in a matter of 2.5 ahhh yup good night!"
Haha oh my... I know to you that sounds confusing, as it should given that it's a you-had-to-be-there-inside-joke-thing. Well we headed to Carson Robbins' place next. No one was outside, but we blasted the horn a few times.
The last stop was Sam's dad's old house. It's rather isolated in the woods surrounded by trees. We drove past and it was dark and sensor lights flashed on outside. A guy came outside and we rushed away so we were unable to see who it was. Sam's dad moved to Arizona. I think he owns that place though so I'm not sure if Sam or Jake live there or a stranger or if Kelly is renting it.
The things Pocatello forces you to do...

 "People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them."
-Tris, Divergent

 Live Happily Ever Now.

 My art inspired by Brooke Davis #OTH.

After all, Peyton Sawyer is my spirit animal.

Maybe the reason you can't find any inspiration anymore, is because it's your turn to be one.
Lets inspire, lovelies... after all, this is Inspiration Nation.
I hope you got a laugh from this post. 
[for the record, neither Jordan nor myself have ever gone on a exes tour since that first time]

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